Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
