So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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