I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
