Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Randomize
