I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
