Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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