Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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