Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
