I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize