hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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