sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
