Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
