Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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