remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
