you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
