Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
