ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
