So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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