the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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