literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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