Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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