I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
