My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
