Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
