i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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