So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
