He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize