I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Houston, we have a blender
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
