im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
