just come out here and I will go home with you...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
