I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
