She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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