So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
