last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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