I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize