My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
