She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Less talking, more tequila
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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