Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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