I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
