Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
they're like a gay fantastic four
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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