1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
