I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
