I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
