i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
