are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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