I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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