we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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