ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
