she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
