no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
