You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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