My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
