it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
