I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
