well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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