Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
