are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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