My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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