Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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