She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
