I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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