I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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