Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
