The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize