Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
