Tell her she can't have a vagina
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
