Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
