I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
