rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
