Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
