he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize