I'm jealous of your bromance
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
